Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
