Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
