oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
