first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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