TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
And then he peed in my hair
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