You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
