they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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