New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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