Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is the high leading the old right now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
