I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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