is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
