She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
