she woke up with a sticky ear
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
