when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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