we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
