if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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