i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
