My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
