if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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