Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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