The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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