Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
