You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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