I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My bed smells like the plague
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