glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
