need another drink. this is the easiest way
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
