I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
