can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
