what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
