Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
