I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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