It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
