i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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