this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
whose parrot is this?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
