my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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