Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
