You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
