Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
