The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
