what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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