Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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