i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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