as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
