My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
