I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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