hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love you.
Bad choice
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
