I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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