she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
