his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
