I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
